


Edgy Dad: Reaper's bad habits

by CrazyM



Series: Domestic animals. [6]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Dad Soldier: 76 | Jack Morrison, Gen, Reaper is bad, bad habits, mama Mercy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-15 02:00:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13603203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyM/pseuds/CrazyM
Summary: Reaper is a bad man.But then again, the world needs bad men.





	Edgy Dad: Reaper's bad habits

"REYEEEEEEEEEES!" Mercy bellowed.

Reaper stiffened on the couch. He knew what this meant. Reaper cannot disappear when he's scared.

Mercy walked out of the kitchen with the empty carton of milk in her hand. She shook it.

"You drank al ze milk again?!" Mercy growled. She was clearly upset.

Everyone knew Mercy loved her coffee with milk and she had it first thing in the morning.

Reaper tried his first escape tactic. He shrugged.

Mercy flung the carton and it hit Reaper square in the face. Then she continued to glare at him, arms folded over her chest.

Widowmaker, who was sitting beside him, raised an eyebrow.

"How do you even drink that?" Widowmaker mused while tying her joggers. The last time anyone knew, Reaper could not eat.

"Die." He croaked.

Widowmaker snorted and went outside for a run. 76 then descended the stairs and saw the scene before him. He facepalmed.

"Not again Reyes!" He groaned and opened the door. He leaned outside. "Hanzo! Get Angela some milk!" He screamed into the summer. He turned around to close the door but then remembered something and opened the door again. "NOT THE GODDAMNED SOY MILK THIS TIME!" 76 said, and closed the door.

______________________________

Mercy finally felt well after her fever. Last night she had witnessed Reaper's epic baking skills and 76 almost losing his iron grip over the team. She threw the covers away and tiptoed out into the hallway. She slowly made her way down the stairs. She started walking to the kitchen but as she entered it, her heart almost stopped.

The mess was ungodly.

The oven was wide open, there was flour over half the floor, the sink was full of crusty utensils and the countertop was smeared with chocolate and cocoa powder. All the spoons and ladles were gone. All that was left were the coffee cups with a mild splatter of cocoa powder. The only one that survived that onslaught completely unharmed was Mercy's cup.

Mercy's howl woke the whole house up and half of it rushing in with guns. Sombra and D.va were the quickest, suit, guns and all, rushing into the kitchen, looking at the scene, and vacating as fast they had come.

Reaper was found squirming under the bed by McCree. It took Zarya approximately twenty seconds to extract Reaper from under the bed and present the ghost to the doctor. Mercy, when happy, was nothing short of an angel. But when she was furious, she made everyone shit their pants.

Reaper was wishing he was biologically capable of shitting because goddamn, Mercy was a monster when she was angry.

"Reyes!" She snapped, and Reaper stiffened like a two-by-four.

The cleaning took close to half a day. Genji tried to help but an excruciating  _whack_ to the nape of his exposed, human, neck by the doctor had sent him scurrying back to his room. Mercy stood guard and inspected each area before letting Reaper move to the next one. 

Tracer, happy as always, greeted Reaper when he floated out of the kitchen.

"Cheers, love!" She chirped.

"Die." Reaper groaned, and floated to his room in a cloud of smoke, his shoulders slack and his head hung.

Lucio had to go through half of his playlist, D.va had to give up half of her stash of chocolates, Mercy had to sanction three boxes of tissues and Zarya with Symmetra had to cuddle Tracer to make her stop crying.

Zenyatta was never around when they needed him.

______________________________

"No! not another cat, Reyes!" 76 groaned, his palm flat over his face. Mei was carrying the kitten in her arms. Junkrat and Roadhog were huddled close, with Widowmaker half a foot away, trying to hide her excitement but failing spectacularly.

Spiders sometimes feel too fucking much.

Tracer and Lucio were petting the puppy Reaper had found two weeks ago. Symmetra was feeding the sparrow he had found a week before that. The second cat was found two weeks before that, and was purring in Zarya's arms. The third was at Mercy's feet, sleeping. Winston was in the garage because cat fur made him all sneezy. Sombra, McCree, Zenyatta, Genji and Hanzo were on the sofa, looking on at the scene.

76 was tapping his foot on the hardwood floor. It was like someone was tapping a hammer into a table.

"At this rate, the house will be a goddamned shelter!" 76 Exclaimed with his face in his hands.

"I think I will name him Reapfield." Reaper said, rubbing his finger on the black, green-eyed feline's head. The white patch on its face almost resembled Reaper's mask

The team agreed.

Mercy got off the sofa, sighing. All eyes turned to her as she stood. Half of them were pleading. She looked around and sighed again.

"Okay. This is the last one." Mercy said. Everyone looked pleased. "But." silence. "We donate them all if Reyes brings another one."

Reaper, true to the core, brought in another puppy a record three days later.

"NO!" 76 roared, pulling Reaper, who was stuck to his legs by his arms and was being dragged around like a three year old. 76 had finished loading his car with the critters(and Genji, because he was the only one who was free, and had a basic understanding of animal handling.) and was making a final sweep for anything he might have left.

"Stop right now, Jack!" Reaper pleaded while 76 continued to pull him.

But 76 never listens to anyone once his mind is set.

Reaper planned on continuing to resist but a strong _whack_ to the nape of his neck sent him coiling on the floor. Mercy's hits were like tranquilizer, it disabled everyone it landed on. The last victim had been Zarya when she was trying to slip two barrels of protein powder instead of one into the shopping cart when she was up for grocery hauling with Mercy.

"No. No noooooooo" Reaper lamented as the car pulled away. Genji was looking out of the window, nodding understandably.

______________________________

"What the hell?" Lucio said as he raised up the wires to his trusty headphones to inspect.

Right down the middle, the wires were hanging by a thread(so to speak), mangled like something had chewed through it.

 

Winston picked up his glasses to inspect the newspaper and its arm disintegrated as soon as he lifted it to the bridge of his nose.

"What in the world?" Winston was more curious than angry because the arm was mauled like someone had chewed through it too. He could see bite marks, clear as day, dotting the spectacles.

Extremely curious, Winston scooped up the remains of his glasses like an extremely frail baby and exited the garage to walk into the living room.

"Does anyon-"

Lucio was holding his wires, Mercy was pondering over the remains of the TV remote, D.va was checking her gamepad, which had a small chunk of it bitten off. Sombra was consoling Mei, who was holding snowball, still very much functional, but with bite marks over its body.

"What is going on?"

McCree chose this moment to storm into the living room with a grim expression on his face.

"Ye might wanna see this" He croaked and led the team downstairs to the basement.

Reaper was hunched in the corner, his mask partially off, chewing on a rubber weight plate laboriously. The sighs he was letting out resembled someone getting to pee after holding it down for a long time.

76 facepalmed. Mercy growled, prompting the rest to inch backwards toward the door, to safety from the explosion of wrath that was about to follow.

Mercy, instead of screaming, beckoned Zarya, who picked up her light deadlift bar(still close to four hundred pounds) and dropped it onto the hunched ghost's shoulders. He crumbled to the ground under the weight of the bar and flapped his arms, lying face down, trying to move. When he had enough, he disappeared and reappeared right next to the bar. He spotted Mercy looking at him, arms folded over her chest and he almost regretted his decision.

"Reyes." Mercy growled, massaging the space between her eyes with her index finger and thumb. "Care to explain?"

Reaper sighed.

"I feel hungry all the time." He said. "But I cannot just drink milk and nothing stays here" He pointed to where his gut should be. "The chewing helps to keep it down".

 

Reaper growled.

Everyone looked at him with a mixture of anticipation and bottled laughter. Reaper raised the chew toy with his left arm and his mask with the right, but he backed off when it inched closer. He flung the chew toy at 76, but missed and it hit the wall behind him, making a squeaking sound.

Junkrat, who couldn't hold it, squealed in laughter. The team followed and soon the living room was full of roars of laughs.

"Die die die!" Reaper growled, his arms folded tight over his chest.


End file.
